I am currently sitting here with a cup of coffee, while my one year old sleeps and my 3 year old eats lunch. I this been awhile since i jumped on here because life has truly been insane. Our household has been full of sicknesses in and out of our house, transitioning a toddler’s diet, and to be completely honest.. a whole mess of stress, core fears, and choosing to love each other in the midst of chaos.
Isn’t it funny how in the most chaotic of seasons, you tend to learn the most about your life. Where you are at and how to move and shift. It’s hard, complicated, and just when you think that you have a good gauge on things… life throws you curveballs.. and you have to throw your hands up in the air.. and brace yourself for the ride. The crazier thing is that I have always known my core fears. I know that I have a tendency to freak out and panic. When it sets in.. it’s like a downward spiral of a train wreck for a couple days.. However, this train wrecked into a hard and humbling place to be.
The past 3 years of business owning has been such a complete journey. A journey of coming to know who I am, my voice in this world, and value that I can bring to the table. It has been a journey of surrendering fear and doing things scared. It has been opening my heart to friendships that have broken down some of the hardest areas of my heart. I am a pretty confident female most days. I am confident in my marriage and my ability to mentor and pour into people. So how do I get shaken? How does that confidence so easily get thrown out the window? I honestly don’t know. And these past few weeks have been soul searching to discover deep, deep, deep rooted fears and truths that I believe about myself. Even further, leading alongside and loving my husband, my kids, my tribe of women in my corner, our clients, our people… from this place of deep vulnerability and mass chaos. Embracing imperfections, getting back up after feeling completely tapped out. Tapped out as a wife, a mother, and a business owner.
Breathe.
It wasn’t until a 36 hour fight with my husband that I realized where I was emotionally. Where I was projecting all my emotions onto him. Feeling the weight of 8 worlds on my shoulder, shouting from the mountaintops ( and him) that I needed a break. A break from everything. When panic strikes I forget to breathe. I forget in the middle of my chaos that I just need a minute. I need to unload all that is happening in my head and do it before I explode.
The lies that were piling up:
You are not a good wife
One Day you will fall out of love
You will always be stuck
You can’t be trusted
You stink as a mom
I felt for 2 weeks straight someone had put some boxing gloves on and was hitting me with jab after jab. The crazier thing… I was just taking it. I was literally standing in a boxing match with my fears and my lies and letting them beat me down. Finally, I broke free.
GET UP.
Here is the thing about being tapped out. You can either stay there, or you can get up and fight. You can choose what life you want to live. And this week I chose to get up.
The Pain of Staying the same trumped the pain of changing..
And i realized something very important.. I wasn’t tapped out by motherhood, or marriage, or business owning.. I was tapped out by the lies that I allowed myself to believe. I was tapped out because I had convinced myself that my environment could dictate how I go about my day. I LET OPINIONS OF PEOPLE become truth, instead of RELYING ON THE TRUTH. So when it clicked.
I GOT UP.
Like a force to be reckoned with. I Got up and took a few deep breathes and told the lies to shut up. Instead of hiding behind them all, I called them out and reached out to people that know and can call out the best in me. I chose to stand my ground and leaned into my voice and my calling like never before.. and some thing beautiful happened… MY voice got stronger. The Lord’s voice got stronger. It began to silence the lies.
Embrace your fight. Embrace your Story. Embrace you Voice.
I have been such a fan of Brene Brown since I picked up her book “The Gifts of Imperfections” about 6 years ago. I will admit that I am still in the middle of “Rising Strong” because I get mad and have to process all that is going on. One of the most beautiful aspects of her research and her work that I have loved from the beginning, is the power of Owning Your story. In every season and in every moment. Owning your present situation and embracing and living from a state of complete vulnerability. Being okay with the mess and letting God work your message. Here is what I realized this past week. I have a voice, and a voice that needs to be heard. A voice that the enemy wants to stifle and wants to quiet.
Your brokenness, your hurt, you journey… wherever you are at… needs to be heard. your Voice Matters. There are people on this planet that need to hear you say. “I’m a mess… I can’t do this on my own.. but I will not give up”. They need your story of redemption. They need to know in the moments that they can’t breathe… that someone on this planet gets where they are at.
So I chose to lead and to love from that truth… That My story has power. That God has this beautiful plan for me. And the next step, was getting up… To pave the way for all those Small Business Owning Wives.. that are tapped out right now. Believing the lies that they are not good enough. Believing the heartache that their life doesn’t matter.. That you will always struggle. That you are alone, and no one gets it.
I do.
Release is a powerful thing. Release of the stress you feel right now will change the trajectory of your life. Find your community. Find your quiet moment to breathe. Fight alongside a group of women and with a group of women.
you do feel alone.. Reach out. I would love to bring you into our little community. I have the best tribe. There is always a seat at the table for you.
Join our community here:
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