Darby came home about 2 months ago after he was on the phone with his brother for about 2 hours. He came running in the door with a massive burst of energy. He was giddy excited and was patiently waiting to tell me something. I know this excitement. This excitement that comes when Darby has this amazing idea and he is ready to run with it.
You see, my husband is a dreamer. He loves to live in the clouds and loves to think of the next thing. He loves the waves of excitement and he thrives running alongside people who can not stop running with passion.
So when Darby came running in that day.. I knew what was coming. As he poured out his heart about wanting to start a new consulting health program. Wanting to go into business with his brother, and wanting to chase this beautiful life giving dream that he had… ( I am choosing all my words carefully, because i know my husband is my number 1 blog fan!)
I knew I had a choice to make. I can choose to celebrate or a can choose to cripple passion. Believe me, I am good at both! I can throw down a party for my toddler going potty for the first time… I can throw down a party for celebrating life change. However, without even thinking, I can cripple his passion in an instant. Because of fear, because of my past, because I am a mom and have two babies that I am constantly thinking about, or the budget coordinator… so i know what comes in and out of account when.
It’s easy to send up this disclaimer that you are just bringing some logic to his plan or helping his feet stay on the ground.. but really.. you are crippling this amazing and innate ability to see opportunity and life change.. so word to the wise… take 5 deep breaths. and Celebrate with him. Be in the moment with him. Because I can tell you that it will fade.. because the excitement and honeymoon phase only lasts so long in business owning… eventually it gets hard.. eventually he will need you to celebrate when the rest of the word is crippling his passion…
I am convinced that every relationship has two type of people. The Dreamer and the Analytical. I used to think for the longest time that as the analytical it was my duty as his spouse to give him all the reasons that the dreams couldn’t work. I thought that I had to put time lines on them. I had to put ridiculous expectations and stipulations on when and how he could chase what his heart desired. I thought if I had just a small hand of control on what he was doing, it would be less terrifying.
You see the anayltical person sits surrounded in the camp of “what if”. We camp out there and justify all the reasons why we can’t chase after something. Why it isn’t the right season. We sit like a toddler in the middle of the store who doesn’t get the applesauce they want… and we pout. We get mad at why we are the only logical person in our marriage and how the burden is annoyingly heavy.. I only say that because I CAMPED OUT! I made a little hut in the village of “what if”. Believe me, because not only did i feel justified and logical.. i had a lot of influences backing me up on my logic.
I’ll never forget the day I stepped outside the camp of “what if” I wish I could tell you about this magical moment where the heavens opened and there was a scroll that said.. “ Celebrate thy wins, Amanda” but that’s not how it worked.. although, I would love that sometimes… It happened while I was doing laundry about 6 months back. I was folding laundry and Darby was in the kitchen doing dishes.. at 10:30am on a Monday. Our kids were running around our living room, honestly, probably fighting over a toy and watching Daniel Tiger.. and in an instant. I was overwhelmed with a heart so full of gratitude and celebration for the life that we had. The Life that we were creating.. because we are not done.. I remember, crying a few small tears and as they rolled down my cheek.. I let go. I let go of the need to know the end. I let go of needing control. I let go of all the “what if”s, the fears were still there.. because our dance with fear is always a longer journey than we want it to be. I remember in my heart of hearts… that day. Choosing to Celebrate.
The original point of this post was to give you practical ways to be on your spouses side. To help you bring the party when your own fears are crippling you. Honestly, I really do wish that I had some. I remember reading blogs and stories of couples who were starting businesses and just ending up in a pile of tears because I never envisioned we would get there. I believe that camp “what if” was all that we had. My little momma’s heart.. wishes I could take each of my readers out to coffee and sit across the table from you and whisper.. “Let Go.”
The Fears, The What ifs, and the crippling is only doing one things.. masking the beauty that is found in the things work celebrating. When I let go, I found a freedom that i didn’t know before. I wasn’t bound to “not enough” I was surrounded and completely obsessed with the opportunity to witness life change and freedom. You see, the one thing I was missing was truly seeing what our family gets to be apart of. The conversations we have on a day to day basis. The people that have come in and out of our gym, who believe in us and all that we are harnessing in our gym. I was missing the fact that my kids can play with their mom and dad whenever they want to. Crippling fear was masking this beautiful life that I had been living in, but not experiencing.. and my heart was absolutely crushed when i realized it.
The money will come. The time will come. The stress is a choice that you make. Gratitude will fill your soul and a life of regret will dissipate.
So today. Celebrate the Passion. Go run into the kitchen and grab your spouse’s hands and dance in the middle of it because you can! at 2:00pm on a Tuesday. Go to coffee with your friend in the middle of the day on a Thursday because you dictate your schedule. Take a journal and write out every little and big amazing thing that you can find about this beautiful insane life that you get to live!
By the way. we celebrated Darby’s vision. We celebrated a launch of another business and another passion to do life alongside more people. We threw a big party.. Darby, our kids, and I. I never felt more alive.
You will never feel more alive.